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User talk:AdamMortdecai
Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the The Five Stages page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 17:53, December 3, 2014 (UTC) WW The Writer's Workshop is for getting feedback on stories that are to be posted on the site, not already on the site. If you want a critique on the WW, I can take down the story, but as I didn't really see any glaring issues with it, I think it's not the best idea. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 18:46, December 13, 2014 (UTC) RE: You can always ask people on chat, or if you're looking for something more personal, you can check the WW to see who is reviewing stories in a manner you think would be most conducive to helping you improve your story and leaving a message on their talk page asking them to review your story. As for story length, there is no limit. I have four stories here that range from 50-100 pages. (However the stories you post need to be complete, or at least end in a manner like a standalone/self-contained episode. i.e. no cliffhangers/to be continued's.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:15, December 14, 2014 (UTC) RE: You can always ask people on chat, or if you're looking for something more personal, you can check the WW to see who is reviewing stories in a manner you think would be most conducive to helping you improve your story and leaving a message on their talk page asking them to review your story. As for story length, there is no limit. I have four stories here that range from 50-100 pages. (However the stories you post need to be complete, or at least end in a manner like a standalone/self-contained episode. i.e. no cliffhangers/to be continued's.) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 06:15, December 14, 2014 (UTC) RE: Awesome. I really liked chapter one and can't wait for the next two :) Regards, Underscorre - Talk to me 15:42, December 14, 2014 (UTC) Re: M4R I just marked it for review so I could read over it later, as it is easy to lose track of new pastas. I wouldn't worry about it too much for the time being. LOLSKELETONS (talk) 17:13, December 16, 2014 (UTC) EmpyrealInvective (talk) 22:20, December 16, 2014 (UTC) Re: It isn't a very big issue. The major issue wasn't the grammar itself, which is nice to see. (Although you do need to remember to include closing punctuation inside quotation marks when writing dialogue. Example: "I don't know doctor. I feel a little dead inside(,/. needed)")) The bigger issue that negatively impacted the story was the plot itself. "He was slightly omniphobic." A phobia is an irrational/overblown fear of something. A person can't slightly have a phobia. (Severe anxiety seems a better fit.) The story seems well-researched which is a breath of fresh air, but there were some issues with the introduction of lobotomies (That unfortunately a lot of horror movies take as well.). While it is true that early lobotomies rendered patients catatonic, the pre-frontal lobotomy (going through the orbital socket as opposed the the trans-orbital which involves trepanning) actually tends to reduce a patients' more explosive outbursts whereas the trans-orbital is a bit more drastic/mentally degrading. However since the advent of chemical means, lobotomies have all but fallen on the wayside. A doctor using such methods in a mental hospital without losing his license/medical malpractice seems a little hard to swallow. Especially when it is common knowledge (He earned a nickname from it, although Dr. Death seems like a bit of an exaggeration). Additionally I would work on Dr. Death's dialogue. “Hello Gary, my name is Doctor Penn, but you can call me Doctor Death,”, “I know it’s cheesy, but I kinda earned that name. I specialize in transforming uncooperative people, like you, into vegetables, to avoid any dame(SIC); hence the name.” Finally the ending needed some work in my opinion. "“I don’t know doctor. I feel a little dead inside,” said a voice from Gary’s body, causing the doctor to drop his orbitoclast." I'm not 100% sure what you were going for here. The voice was coming from inside Gary's body? It just seemed a little anti-climactic and vague. I would really suggest using the Writer's Workshop whenever you are unsure about a story. (This was probably one of the things some reviewers would have pointed out and helped you revise before taking it to the main site.) I use it myself whenever I am uncertain about a story or just want feedback on what I can improve. I've read a few of your other stories and enjoyed them, I just think this one needs quite a bit of re-working. Best of luck. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 05:42, December 17, 2014 (UTC) Re: As I mentioned before, you don't need to run it by me. In fact, it will look better if you upload it to the writer's workshop and get some feedback before making the deletion appeal as when editing it yourself, there is a possibility to miss certain things. (Side note: Stories that have been taken to the writer's workshop and then been appealed have a much higher chance of being accepted.) Final note, I think you need to elaborate a little on the ending and give the reader some clues about what is happening. (Did the lobotomy work? What may happen next? Etc.) Additionally I wish you the best of luck with your poem pasta "Rigor Mortis" that is up in deletion appeals currently. I am going to leave that story to another admin as I currently have reviewed a bit on there and I would like to give some one else a chance. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 12:48, December 18, 2014 (UTC)